Happiness influencers: Identity (roles)

A major influencer of our happiness is the identity we build and project. The bottom line is this:

The less seriously we take our identity, the happier we are going to be.

I am not suggesting we should have no ego. I think a healthy sense of who we are and what we stand for is essential for a happy and fulfilling life.

Our sense of identity can only become a source of frustration when we: 1) equate it with who we are or 2) treat it as something fixed.

1) Your ego or sense of identity is something you have not something you are. It was constructed by you, lives thanks to your investment in it, and can be changed by you. You can see it as a part of who you are but don't take it for the whole.

You are not: what you have, what you do, what you think, what others think of you, your past, your problems, you get the idea.

Here is a good rule of thumb:

If it follows 'I am', it is not you.

2) Your ego or sense of identity is constantly changing. Every single one of your thoughts, emotions, and acts shape it continually. Be the flowing water and embrace change. Don't try to be the rock because the water will slowly wear you down.

Here are a few suggestions that can help you to be pro-active in shaping your identity. These can also help you embrace a sense of self that is empowering you rather than hindering you.

Ask yourself:

• What roles do I play? 

What roles did you see growing up and consciously or unconsciously picked along the way? e.g. from caretakers, from your peers

What roles did you embrace later on as an adolescent? Were you the best in class, the misfit, the rebel, the black sheep, the heart of the company etc. Are you still holding onto any of these roles? Are they still valid?
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What are my current roles? e.g. an employee, a mother/father, a wife/husband, the one who takes one for the team, the good son/daughter, the leader, the outsider...

​Next, ask yourself:

• What roles do I WANT to play?

What roles do not serve you that you would like to release?
What roles do serve you that you would like to continue in your life?
Answering questions about ourselves in writing is an excellent way to gain self-awareness and reclaim identity control.

As a bonus, here are some common detrimental self-identifications to avoid:

1. Embracing problem(s) as a part of your identity. Do you talk about it a lot? Does it give you a sense of purpose?
2. Using illness as a source of self-importance. Do you enjoy being a martyr? Do you get attention through your illness that you will not get otherwise?
3. Being a victim. Do you find it easier to be at the mercy of circumstance and people? Do you feel more comfortable to suffer consequences than to take responsibility for your own destiny?
4. Being poor. Do you sabotage your dreams because you have chosen to associate yourself with lack? Are you afraid to dream big because you are afraid you will succeed?

If you notice any of these as a subtle tendency or a solid part of who you are challenge them immediately. Consider the ways in which these hinder your own growth and drag down the people around you.

Here are five success identities you can embrace instead:

1. Grateful. Whatever happens to me, I'm grateful because it becomes a stepping stone for my growth.
2. Engaged. I am committed to making the most of my life by being awake and fully present for each moment.
3. Forgiving. It is not my role to judge. I and others do the best they could at any given moment. If things could be different, they would be different. I and others can and do change, but whatever has happened is the only thing that could happen.
4. Contributing. A life worth living is a life that extends beyond me. It is a life that touches others in a positive and constructive way.
5. Purposeful. My life has a direction and there is a good reason why I do what I do. 

​How can you increase your identification with these qualities? What actions do you take or can you take right now to be the living example of these?

What other success identities will you choose to embrace and embody?

The opportunity is right in front of you, the choice is yours. Master your Super Power.

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Related articles:
The value of happiness 
Happiness influencers: Desires
Happiness influencers: Beliefs
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